Peter certainly didn't have the look of a great Christian leader or evangelist, when Jesus called him from his fishing boat. He didn't have a great education. He didn't have a lot of leadership experience. He didn't even have all the skills needed. But, Jesus saw something in him. He saw potential. The potential to be the first earthly leader of a new movement - Christ's Church.

When we look at discipleship, we shouldn't have eyes for only what we see on the outside - but the potential that exists in ourselves and others. What God sees in us is vastly different than what we do.

In our last post, we talked about what a discpleship relationship looks like. In this post, we will explore the key elements and principles of those relationships.

Key Elements of Discipleship Relationships

In the time of Jesus, it was understood that a disciple of a Rabbi would make that relationship the most important one of all. It even took precedent over family, as the following passage from the Mishnah indicates.

When one is searching for the lost property both of his father and of his teacher, his teacher’s loss takes precedence over that of his father since his father brought him only into the life of this world, whereas his teacher, who taught him wisdom, has brought him into the life of the World to Come. But if his father is no less a scholar than his teacher, then his father’s loss takes precedence….

If his father and his teacher are in captivity, he must first ransom his teacher, and only afterwards his father—unless his father is himself a scholar and then he must first ransom his father. (Bava Metsi’a 2:11)

Some might be shocked by this, but when we decide to follow Jesus, all other relationships must be ordered behind that of the relationship with Jesus, who is our Lord and God. With this goal in mind, we can see that the human-to-human discipleship we do, must have some very strong bonds as well, in order to help others truly be close followers of Jesus. 

When one Christian is helping another one, in a discipleship relationship, here are several elements that can help guide that relationship:

1. Intentionality in the relationship. If you don’t have an intentional purpose for why you are both in the relationship, then you will never be able to properly be discipled or disciple anyone. The clear purpose of making disciples of Jesus needs to be at the forefront of every part of the relationship.
2. Availability to the other. You can’t exactly grow in a relationship if you are not available to one another. This means making time for one another and prioritizing the time it takes to build such a relationship.
3. Authenticity. To grow closer to God together, you will have to be authentic with one another. This means showing that you are trustworthy, reliable, and personable.
4. Vulnerability. After you start to build up a relationship, there needs to be an appropriate level of vulnerability. This doesn’t mean bearing your deepest secrets, but rather taking off the masks that we sometimes hide behind and showing the reality of who we are.
5. Accountability between one another. Once we are vulnerable, we can start to have real accountability. Accountability isn’t a wagging of the finger when someone messes up, but a holding up of one another to the goals that we each set for ourselves and ask the other to help hold us to.
6. Responsibility to the Gospel. To be a disciple means to have a mission. Every Christian disciple should have the Gospel at the core of their mission. This means every disciple needs to take on their own shoulders a part of the reponsibility we have in sharing Good News.

While these aren’t the only elements of discipleship, all of them are oriented toward the following goals. With these elements now in place, we can go even deeper with several key principles.

Key Principles of Discipleship Relationships

1. You can't fix anyone. Your job isn't to make another person into the perfect Christian. Rather, your job is to love them enough to want good for them, but you can't will it for them yourself. You do your part and leave the rest to God and the other person.
2. You have to know where they currently are. How is their prayer life? What do they struggle with? Do they understand mission and have a desire to do more? Are they willing to learn? What barriers exist that will prevent them from growing as a Christian? Until you know these things, you can't really help them. Each person is unique and that means they need unique things. This is one reason why a program can never replace a relationship. Take your time and get to know the other person. Ask good questions. Listen.
3. You have to know where you are both headed. If you get in your car and drive, but don't have a destination, you are just wasting gas. The same is true about discipleship. If you just spend times together and don't have a goal in mind, then you are buddies, but now in a discipleship relationship. Discipleship has clarity in what you are aiming for = multiplying missionary disciples.
4. You have to know how to help someone grow. It isn't enough to know where someone is and where they need to be. You also have to have a plan for getting them there. So, what is your strategy and how do you mean to use it? If you need help in developing one, then look to Jesus. He spent a lot of time with folks, grew the relationships, challenged others, held them accountable, let them fail, forgave them, gave them real opportunties to minister to others, etc. We need to do the same.

There are no quick fixes in discipleship and it is hard work. But, God created you to do it.

"So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” -John 8:31-31